Ask Ada: When you realize you're ugly

“When you realize you’re ugly..." These words are forever printed on my heart. This past week the team at Mazu received a picture from a 10-year-old little girl with that caption attached. Please re-read those words over and take a moment to let that sit with you. As this week’s suicide prevention day has passed, those words are ringing in my ear. Is this our red flag? Is this a parent’s worst nightmare about to come true?



At a fundraiser the other night, I listened to the pain of a local businessman’s story about the suicide of his boys. He mentioned the words “red flags” about his own children. Once again I heard the words, “when you realize you’re ugly." My mind reels about how on earth this little girl believes such a thing. How can we now convince her that she is loved?

Thankfully, we were able to intervene, catch it before it was public and pour love on her spirit. However, it does cause us to ask the bigger question: what should we as a society say about these things? Are they just a part of life? Everyone on some level believes these stories about themselves at one point, is it just a part of growing up?

Do we have to accept this as a normal part of life? As a mother, reading her words broke my heart. As a tech entrepreneur, it made me so disappointed in my industry. Why? On the same day we received this picture, Instagram made the claim that if parents withhold Instagram from their teen’s life, they put them into “social marginalization." Oh my, how far from the Tree of Life have we fallen?

Watching the Mister Rogers Documentary I was reminded of one singular truth: all we need is love and to know we are lovable. If our mediums are letting us down in today’s day and age, how can we use these places for good? Mister Rogers returned to TV after a hiatus because he saw that children were being exposed needlessly to violence, misinformation and lack of love.

His medium of TV was being misused in his opinion. Today, I would say without question our medium of social media is being misused and is exposing children needlessly. For parents, we are bombarded with all sorts of facts and figures. Stories, pressures of what is true. Today, many things are complex. We have kids genuinely hurting themselves daily on social media and in real life. There are many, many red flags yet many parents feel entirely overwhelmed with what decisions they need to make for the health and well being of their children.

At the end of his program, Mister Rogers would tell children they were unique, there was only one of them, that they were special and loved. His beautiful way with words brought me to tears watching the documentary. I wondered what he would make of this current social media medium and what he would say to this special girl who believes she is ugly.

Maybe we can all channel a little Mister Rogers today and send a message of love and hope to all kids out there who do not believe they are worthy. Perhaps our collective voices can drown out all the voices that are suggesting otherwise?

The main reason we created Mazu was so that children could have the safe neighbourhood in the sea of social media chaos. We wanted children to know that they are loved and are lovable. To remind all of us of the simplicity of our lives really does boil down to love. After spending hours with women on their healing journey there is not one of them who does not struggle with this question: Do I believe I am worthy of love?

Their struggle to answer this has its roots in their own childhood. For Mr. Rogers he believed in God, he believed that we did not need to do anything sensational to be loved. That we are loved by God as children of God. He spent 40 years convincing each of us that love was possible and feeling our feelings was absolutely necessary.

After all the pokes, jabs and people making fun of him, he persevered in the face of this ridicule and cruelty so that one child each day could feel loved. For each of us, today is that day. There is a child in the world that believes they are ugly. Her deep realization and pain were shared for the public to see.

That she could expose this vulnerability to us at Mazu was deeply moving, troubling and left most of us wondering what we should do about it. How can we impact her life? Oprah has a saying when you know better you do better. So we at Mazu are letting this great community of Kelowna and Canada know we can all do better.

To any parent reading this, today is the day our eyes are open. We have heard the cries of children. We have read the stories and we can change this for all children. With each tragedy we hold our own children a little closer yet do we notice any other kids in the neighbourhood? Do we change our behaviour when we enter these spaces or do we get seduced by the Twitter trolls to argue about Trump?

Do we jump on bandwagons ready to criticize, judge and ridicule with 140 characters eviscerating the lives of everyday people? People like you and me. We have within our grips every day the capacity to hurt someone with our words. Yet we also have the choice to use our words for good. I can assure you many of the people being hurt in these spaces are children. And it is children who utterly and without debate need our love and protection.

To the dear child who believes you are ugly: please know that within you is a precious gift. You are enough. You are loved. You are rare. There is only one of you. You are worthy. On behalf of any parent who may have let you down, let me be the first to tell you, I am sorry. You are not a mistake. You are loved and you are not ugly. In the immortal words of Fred Rogers: “You’ve made this day special, by just your being you.

There’s no person in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are.” He believed that everybody longs to be loved, and longs to know that he or she is lovable. For all of us, the greatest opportunity all we have is to help somebody know that they’re loved.

Parents if you are looking for red flags, they have arrived. Every day a child believes the words: “When You Realize You’re Ugly." It is up to all of us as parents to begin to take our power back. To insist on better rules, regulations and to become deeply aware of what our children are posting and taking into their precious hearts.

Parents, we are all in this together. We need to band together and come up with better solutions for our children. Better ways for all of us to be the change our children wish to see. Collectively, we can lead our children to a different port in the storm. Together, we can be the difference in a child’s life, yours and mine. Let’s begin today. Won’t you be my neighbour?

If you are seeking advice in the world of tech and how it affects you and your family, we encourage you to send an email to Askada@mazufamily.com, and we will do our best to provide practical, insightful advice.

Janice Taylor is a social entrepreneur, mother, speaker, author and online safety advocate. Her credo of compassion, community and caring drives the vision of her company Mazu, a safe and fun online platform for families. Mazu gives parents a place to communicate, play and connect with their children in a starter social media environment.