Breaking down the stigma: The Butterfly Run in Kelowna brings healing to bereaved mothers

Courtney Hiller, Co-Chair of the Butterfly Run in Kelowna, and Aiden Mayes, Media Coordinator, recently sat down with Jason Mann of KelownaNow to discuss the profound emotional impact of reproductive loss and the upcoming event aimed at supporting women who have experienced such grief.

"Reproductive loss is something so many women go through, yet it remains a deeply isolating experience," shared Aiden Mayes. "I had my third miscarriage just two weeks ago, and speaking about it openly, even now, has been a challenge. But having a community, like the one fostered through the Butterfly Run, makes the unbearable more bearable."

The Butterfly Run, now in its second year in Kelowna, aims to break the silence surrounding infertility, miscarriages, stillbirths, TFMR and infant loss. Courtney Hiller, who lost her son Luca to stillbirth in 2021, recalled the isolation that followed. "It was a dark time. I desperately needed a community, and I was fortunate to find other bereaved mamas here in Kelowna," she explained. "Now, a year later, I felt ready to give back, to help create a space where other mothers could feel supported and cared for during their own grief."

The emotional weight of reproductive loss is often compounded by societal stigma. "There's this unspoken rule that you don't share your pregnancy news too soon, in case you miscarry. But that only means you're left to grieve alone if something does happen," said Hiller. "One in four pregnancies end in loss, so chances are, someone you know has been through it, but they may have suffered in silence. We need to change that."

Aiden Mayes emphasized how silence can be suffocating. "With my first miscarriage, I told no one, not even my family. The pain was crippling. But I promised myself if it happened again, I would speak about it." This year, Mayes is not only speaking but singing. "I've written a song for the event, something that helped me process my grief and turn it into something beautiful and hopefully hopeful for others going through similar loss."

The Butterfly Run is more than just a race; it's a space for healing, connection, and remembrance. "We want people to come as they are in their grief," said Hiller. "Our volunteer coordinator, Riley, who lost her daughter, cried the whole way to last year's event. This year, she's on the committee and excited about the race. It's a journey, and wherever you are in that journey, you are welcome."

This year's event will feature not only a 3K walk and a 5K run but also an extended day of activities aimed at fostering community support. In recognition of the emotional weight the day can carry, the organizers have added live music by Aiden Mayes and her partner Dan Tait, as well as food trucks and children's activities. The goal is to create a welcoming environment where participants can feel safe and supported.

Courtney was also quick to thank the dedicated committee behind the event including Co-Chair Katrina Yorston-McCaskill, Casey Faherty, Journey Henkart- Gall, and Riley Wilkinson. "This event wouldn’t be possible without the passion and dedication of our committee and volunteers. It's truly a team effort."

The goal of this year’s run is to raise $40,000, with 80 percent of the proceeds staying within the Okanagan to support peer support groups, bereavement boxes for local hospitals, and other resources for grieving families. "This money goes directly back into the community to fund things like perinatal loss support groups led by Dr. Zoë Sehn, a registered counselor," Hiller noted.

For those who may need support or want to participate in the event, the Butterfly Run will take place on October 5 at City Park in Kelowna. Participants can register online at butterflyrun.ca/Kelowna and use the promo code "KelownaNow" for a discount. Volunteers are also encouraged to sign up to help guide participants and create a celebratory atmosphere on the day of the event.

As Mayes concluded, "We’re here to offer a safe place for anyone who has gone through this. Whether it was recently or a long time ago, we want you to know you’re not alone. There is community, support, and healing waiting for you."

For more information on the Butterfly Run or to register, visit butterflyrun.ca/Kelowna.