Mindful Conversations: Understanding Anger and Unmasking Shame with Michael Towers

_{This article is sponsored by Michael Towers Counselling.}

In the final video of his thought-provoking series, Michael Towers invites us to rethink anger and shame. Starting with Anger, Michael shares the interesting coincidence of the emergence of anger management programs in the 1970s and the civil unrest occurring at the same time. As a reflection of a systemic need to manage, control, and minimize our emotional experiences, a deep pathology emerged regarding emotions and the treatment of them.

Towers shares that modern brain science helps us understand that our cognitive selves and our emotive / sensory selves are equal, thus concluding that emotions simply are – removing the moralization of emotions completely. Therefore, Towers asserts that anger is our friend and by tracing its origin stories, we can determine the unique role of anger in our lives.

Shame, meanwhile, is often treated with self-compassion and self-esteem interventions, focused on the idea of shame originating within the person. Drawing from his work in restorative justice and indigenous practices, Towers contrasts a non-pathologizing approach with these views that see shame as a personal flaw. “Shame originates from the systems we are part of,” he explains. “It is used to enforce a behavioural compliance with the explicit and implicit rules of the system.”

Therefore, when experiencing shame, we now know that it is because you are not following a rule of a system you are connected to. By naming the rule and the system it belongs to, it helps build your autonomy and differentiated self. We no longer need to be tangled up in the pathology of shame but be empowered by knowing the rules that you are choosing not to follow. To continue this conversation, you can reach Michael at www.michaeltowers.ca.