Ask Ada: the controversial collision of morals and technology amongst teenagers

As many humans on the planet come out of a smoky August with the pervasive fog settling into our gorgeous valley, many parents are gearing up for back to school. We have fires burning in many corners of the world from Greece to California to right here in BC, and yet we still debate that our environment is changing.



The world is literally on fire, yet we are still scrolling 5-6 hours on Instagram hoping that the online presentation of our life acquired 25 likes (more than our friends of course). We still care about The Kardashians. Don’t get me wrong. I hope they are happy, but if I spend more than 5 minutes learning about Kylie’s lips while the world is on fire, it is literally 5 minutes too long.

The smoky fog reminded me of a metaphor for raising kids in a digital age. How many of us struggle with decisions based around the happiness of our children? Many times I know I feel I am in a fog so thick I am only able to take the step right in front of me. This Ask Ada column has started down the path of attempting to educate and provide insight into this digital age.

As we have witnessed over the course of several months, there are no easy answers to the perils of parenting let alone the exploitation of technology into our everyday lives. Finding the “right” answer or balance to the big questions seems to evade most parents I know. Perhaps we are not asking the right questions.

This is the Ask Ada question that as a parent, I ask of each of you:

When will it be enough? How many selfies, self-promotions, online debates with strangers, posting updates, scrolling aimlessly pictures of other people’s lives, how much is enough for you? Are you happier? More informed? More empathic? More present in your life?



As the summer draws to a close and the latest “trends” on Twitter show us the highlights of our humanity, does any of this make us recoil? After a brief tour through Europe, I was shocked at the race for the selfie in front of the Mona Lisa without ever looking at the painting.

Each stop in front of something magnificent I was reminded of our current state in our society. To be blunt, it is not a pretty commentary on our current mental/emotional state. My question: When do we as humans say enough already, let’s take our sanity back?

Yesterday, during dinner time my 14-year-old daughter was telling us about an exchange she had with a classmate online about his requests for nude pictures of her. She asked me why he thinks it is ok to ask her? She confronted him and asked him, are you not interested in knowing anything about me?

His reply: What is the big deal? It is just nudes. Just Nudes. Parents let’s sit on this for a minute.

Just nudes: Of children! Of teenagers! Of our babies! His blase response to her implies in many ways he has wholly conditioned already, at the tender age of 15 that this is perfectly acceptable. Her refusal was more shocking to him as I read the exchange between them than had she sent the picture. Many parents have swept this under the rug and said it’s just teenage stuff. I would emphatically say to any parent, educator or otherwise who believe this is ok: THIS IS NOT OK.

I can direct you to many different research articles pointing to the mental and emotional well being of children/teens fundamentally harmed in our current social media/tech environment. This is not the raging of a parent whose kid was asked for nudes.

These are real articles. Real data collected by caring professionals. As a tech entrepreneur who has spent the last 7 years in this space, I can direct you to the statistics on suicide rates, depression and anxiety all showing us that social media and tech invasion is harming our kids. I can then send you down the rabbit hole of debate that is escalated when fundamental questions are asked.



I can direct you to the current study that suggested there is a link between Facebook and real-life hate crimes. Yet in our fog, in our confusion of right and wrong we have found it easy to not seek the truth. To accept what is happening to kids as one-offs, up to moral debates.

My question once again of my fellow parents, teachers, and politicians: when is it enough? What will it take for all of us to insist on clarity, modern thinking, right and wrong and the truth of our lives to become normative once again?

This morning I read the awful story of a young 9-year-old boy who committed suicide after being bullied around his coming out. It was followed by an account of the US President and his exploits. Then some stories of our government leaders taking pot shots at each other; another shootout in the US; another politician using social media to “gain popularity”; more demands that every human that makes a mistake should lose their job; some name calling and trolling; followed by (well, you may have guessed) by more of the same.

No wonder we are struggling in a fog-filled life unable to know what is real and what is fake. The question again, my fellow human beings: If we cannot get along and be respectful to each other, how on earth will our children?

Every day we have a new discovery of inappropriate sexual behavior directed at women, yet no one seems to be asking about how one learns that this is ok? Let alone what about our young girls today in social media are being told/taught. Instagram has undoubtedly taught an entire generation of girls what it will take for them to be loved.



How can I make that statement? Please review the data, speak to teens and ask them. They will tell you what is typical for them and how they feel about themselves. On the flip side, our young men are being taught that a girl is as good as her last nude pic, all of which cripples him emotionally as well.

Big statement you may say, perhaps but this is not rocket science, it is psychology/sociology 101. Where do we as a society draw the line?

Recent debates with parents are leading to very few places of change. In a follow-up conversation with a principle recently, regarding requests for nude photos from middle school teens, he asked me: is it still happening? My reply: Is the sky blue?

Our society has increasingly become so desensitized that we have lost our way in our proverbial fog filled lives that these magical social technology spaces have replaced real life common sense. Real life, right and wrong responses to basic elements that plague our children.



For those that are debating the semantics around nude pics, under no circumstances is this ok. In EVERY situation this is a big deal, and we ALL should care about what is happening to our kids online.

We the people of this great country once had a few golden rules of behavior. We could have debates around policies devoid of name calling. We knew that nudity was generally reserved for R rated movies and adult magazines. Age appropriate places existed in the real world where an adult could make those choices, not leaving kids to decide they’re “just nudes.”

Believe it or not, self-respect, decorum, and rules of engagement can still exist in our real life, yet many seem to think the digital realm has separate rules like all bets are off. Privacy and the right to privacy did not mean you were hiding something, it generally meant you had a bit of class and self-respect.

Some aspects of life are in the public domain, and well others are private. We have evolved to a place where privacy and the exploitation of it is up to tech companies, who make copious amounts of money off of that privacy.

I am not sure about you, but I have had enough. Enough with the semantic debates around free speech. Hate is just hate. Wrong is just wrong. Grey is just grey. Fog is just fog. And nudes of kids are NEVER just nudes. Have you had enough?

If you are seeking advice in the world of tech and how it affects you and your family, we encourage you to send an email to Askada@mazufamily.com, and we will do our best to provide practical, insightful advice.

Janice Taylor is a social entrepreneur, mother, speaker, author and online safety advocate. Her credo of compassion, community, and caring drives the vision of her company Mazu, a safe and fun online platform for families. Mazu gives parents a place to communicate, play and connect with their children in a safe engagement environment.

Janice Taylor is a social entrepreneur, mother, speaker, author and online safety advocate. Her credo of compassion, community and caring drives the vision of her company Mazu, a safe and fun online platform for families. Mazu gives parents a place to communicate, play and connect with their children in a starter social media environment.